Let Us Rock Your Marriage to Its Core!
Written By: Mark Smith
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'Healing Toxic Shame Through Recovery'
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Does your marriage seem hopeless? Does it seem like kind effective communication with your spouse is utterly and pathetically impossible? Have you ever asked yourself why relationships, love and marriage are so difficult and so excruciatingly painful? Have you been to a marital therapist or two only to walk away with little progress, lots of meaningless psychobabble and ultimately less hope? You are not alone. The above paragraph describes the vast majority of my brand new clients. But they come to our offices having heard or read that we are different, that we can actually help them. They have heard that we don’t pull punches, that we accurately, courageously and bluntly called a spade a spade. They have heard that our approach rocks and they heard right!
Let me describe for you what differentiates our approach from other less experienced and less established practices. On September 4th we celebrated our 20th year as a vibrant, powerhouse fixture in our community. Marriage rocking therapy is about truth, confidence and respect. Great therapy isn’t about your spouse. It is ALL about you Skippy. Do not call us and come to our offices unless you are ready, willing and able to be confronted, enlightened and even assaulted (if need be) with the cold, hard truth about who you are, where you came from and why you married the person you married. I really only know one thing and I really only have one skill. The one thing that I know is that in the history of marriage there has NEVER been a victim because we ALL marry exactly the right person who gives us pretty much the same flawed, dysfunctional love that we got growing up from our parents. The one skill that I have is the ability to abrasively communicate that one thing I know deeply into the often resistant psyches of my clients. It is actually a fabulously wonderful and positive message. Our message of truth is that #1 your whole life from the day you were born to today makes all the sense in the world – there are patterns in your relationship history that fit, #2 your life is completely fair – your signed on for the lessons that you have an opportunity to learn in your relationship, #3 Nature, the Universe or God, however you view it, is using your relationship to reach, break and heal your deepest childhood wounds (whether you like it and cooperate with it or not) and #4 you and only you have the power and the responsibility to heal and fix you and your situation. It is a shame reducing message. The mess of your life is your responsibility but it is not your Fault. Abrasiveness is an awesome thing if breaks down walls of marriage smothering denial. We attempt to comfort the disturbed and to disturb the comfortable. We all have our ‘comfortable’ denials, half truths, rationalizations, blind spots and BS. We are all about razor sharp psychological surgeries that reduce the cancers of marriage and life BS as small as possible.
Therapist generally have been taught to taught to passively nod their heads, stoke their beards and facilitate a process wherein you have to try to figure your own stuff out. Are you freakin kidding me? If you could figure it out yourself you wouldn’t be shelling out the big bucks for therapy. People want and need answers! One client described her former therapist as a sweet, jolly, huggy snowman who would never hurt a fly. That was nice but it didn’t help her much. She didn’t need a hug, she needed whacked in the head with the truth that she was not victimized in her marriage (even though everything pointed to that erroneous and destructive conclusion). You will not get sweet, jolly and huggy at Family Tree. You will get cutting edge Truth about you rigorously applied to your defenses in such a way that you will have an opportunity to humbly and proactively rebuild your life with depth, grace and empowerment. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention it but it also really hurts you to your very core. It connects you to that wounded little boy or girl from so long ago. That pain beats the heck out an unnecessary divorce though.
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