You Have To FIGHT For Happiness!
Written By: Mark Smith
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A friend of mine sent me this a picture/quote she took of a magazine page while waiting in a doctor's office. As far as I can tell, it originated from the great American philosopher Drew Barrymore (quoted in her interview with In Style Magazine). While I can't say for sure that she coined the phrase, it is an amazing thought filled with real life, down to earth wisdom. Life is hard. It IS a fight. What are the things in your life that defeat you? Where are you getting your butt kicked? If you don't fight with daily gritty tenacity then your life will just happen to you and it will be ultimately be a lazy, weak, addictive, undisciplined and definitely very unhappy mess.
I have to fight every single day to make my body strong and lean rather its natural condition of being old and fat. Daily I have to fight lack of focus, obliviousness, over spending, arrogance, food addiction, self absorption, relationship addiction, abandonment issues and shame. Any of these issues can completely destroy a moment, a day, a week, a month, a year or the rest of my life if I allow them to. Each one of the enemies of my happiness is a formidable foe worthy of respect and much humble preventative training. I hate getting my butt kicked. It is no fun whatsoever at all! Happiness is a by product of proper, healthy goals, focus, discipline, integrity, self care, awareness, boundaries and Recovery.
The number one cause of divorce is also the number one enemy of personal happiness. Do you know what it is? If you are a regular reader you know what I am going to say. Public enemy #1 is a VICTIMY MENTALITY! Thinking like a victim is the worst kind of cancer imaginable!
If your unhappiness is your husband's fault or your boss's fault or President Obama's fault then it is out of your control. You don't have the power to fix it. Thankfully the truth is that we are all the sole creators of our own destiny's and happiness. We are responsible for the condition our lives are in, nobody else! We picked our spouses. No one put a gun to our heads. We stayed in marriages that weren't meeting our needs. Your marital pain is all good! It is a golden opportunity to work on your deepest and most harmful issues. Your marital pain exposes the wounded little kid hiding under the surface of the particular role or game that you have been playing. Do not settle for an unhealthy and unhappy relationship. Get busy doing all the work that you can do on yourself. Your spouse will either get on board or you will someday cut them from your team.
Pick the top three areas that cause your unhappiness and declare war on them! Be the aggressor! Don't let the enemies of your happiness attack you and beat you down. Publicly announce your plans to defeat and dominate the top enemies of your happiness with clearly stated goals. You can do this. Don't let your life happen to you. You happen to your life! If it is your marriage that makes you unhappy book an appointment today. If your spouse isn't ready to come in don't lecture them, just keep the appointment and do your own work. If you get healthier then ultimately they will be forced to make a choice to join you in that effort or face grave consequences for not doing so
Is it your weight that is bumming you out? Declare war of your fat jeans and your sweet tooth. Don't make any excuses. There are none. Join Weight Watchers, do P90X, join a gym, start walking daily, eliminate sugar, do whatever works for you. Picture a skinnier, happier, more gorgeous you.
Is money beating you down? This is not an easy fight, I know. To win this one you'll need a lot of fire in your belly. You will to fight your heart out to make more money, spend less money and use discipline in moving it to all the right places. Being victorious with money equals freedom rather than being in bondage. Being overweight is being in bondage. Being unhappily married is being in bondage. For most of us, the answers are not to get divorced, to get Bariatric surgery or to win the lottery. I have observed people getting divorced in order to find someone better to love them then marry basically the same person and end up in an even worse state of unhappiness. I have observed clients who received successful Bariatric surgery only to immediately have an affair, get divorced and ruin their lives even more. We have all heard stories of people who won the lottery but ultimately put themselves in worse financial situations then they were in before they won millions. It isn't about the destination. Happiness is all about the journey! I'll say it again... Happiness is a by product of proper, healthy goals, focus, discipline, integrity, self care, awareness, boundaries and Recovery.
By 'Recovery' I mean knowing the truth about you, your childhood, your parents, your addictions and your issues. It is knowing the truth about who you are and where you same from and then committing to a program of addressing those issues systematically and successfully. This almost always requires therapy. Get you some!
How bad to you want to be happy? How bad do you want to be remarkable? You will need to fight for everything that you get in this life. Those are the rules. Now, what are you going to do about it?
Check out the March 17, 2012 episode of 'Unfaithful' on the Oprah Winfrey Network featuring one of talented therapists Christy Aloisio, MSW! Isn't that awesome! The OWN original series "Unfaithful: Stories of Betrayal," features couples who share their intensely personal stories of the ultimate betrayal in marriage. Intensely honest and revealing, this series illustrates how couples can come to terms with infidelity and share their stories of betrayal. For more information click to visit Oprah's website.
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