Marital, Family or Individual Therapist serving the Indianapolis, Carmel, Fishers, Westfield and Noblesville communities in Indiana



Go Get My Note Cards Right Now!
Written By: Mark Smith




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Managing Abandonment  Issues Through Recovery
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I like it a lot when my clients come prepared to work. If I see someone armed with notes as I walk into the session I know two things - #1 it is going to be a really quick 50 minutes and #2 my job is going to be really easy (no pulling teeth here). When a wife comes prepared with a long list hubby knows that he is in for a rigorous workout!

Indianapolis Marriage Counseling Information

Men don't tend to come quite as prepared but they do so at their peril. A client being in touch with their pain and being self-motivated to do the work is what drives productive therapy. I have a cute, funny young couple that I am working with now that use their therapy hour to its fullest each week. I about fell off my chair recently when the wife jokingly (or maybe not so jokingly) told me that when her husband did what she considered to be an insensitive move she commanded him to "go get my note cards right now" so that she could prepare her therapy notes with fresh pain and insight.

And he played along with her and went and got her the note cards. While I hate to hear the words "I can't wait to tell Mark this what in therapy what you did" the note card request was shared with such humor and grace that it didn't seem judgmental or reactive. There is a credit card commercial on that I like - it says "such and such is $75.00, such and such is $100.00 and such and such (usually a family memory or connection) is priceless". If a skilled marital therapist can hear both parties out, figure out accurately where the truth lays and then communicate that truth to the couple with as much energy, edge, abrasiveness and tact that both of them choke it down then THAT is priceless. It can save a marriage.

Great therapy is about uncovering truth. Human beings are well equipped to block out central truths about themselves even though everyone around them knows those truths. The purpose of marriage is to strip your psychological defenses down to the very core of you. Marriage is the great truth teller. It will expose the truth about who you really are. Cutting edge marital therapy is a very dangerous arena to enter.

In effect your pants are already down due to the damage and the friction in the marriage. Then you walk into a room with someone who can see right through you all the way back to your great grandparents? That is a courageous move on your part. Knowing the truth about your own issues is so very valuable though. It is worth the pain of being discovered and called out. Humbly hearing truths about who you are and where you came from can save you from an ugly divorce, from broken relationships, from legal issues and from financial destruction. Therapy really can be like a punch in the mouth (from a friend) at times. What is the truth about you? Are you able to handle the truth? Go get a note card out and write down what the core of your issues are and then make an appointment with your significant other and get their feedback. It so is much better to go get your own note card then to have someone needing to take notes about you and how you are hurting them. Embrace all the truth you can about yourself, even if it is painful. In the long run it will make you a happier and healthier person and spouse.

Indianapolis Marriage Counseling Information





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This article was authored by Family Tree Counseling Associates, a marriage, individual and family counseling center serving the Indianapolis, Carmel, Fishers, Westfield and Noblesville communities in Indiana. If you would like to contact us, please fill out a contact us form or call us at 317-844-2442.
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