You Know You're Crazy, Right?
Written By: Mark Smith
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We are ALL crazy. If you know that about yourself then that potentially can help you to be a lot less crazy. The craziest and most dangerous people on the planet are the ones who don't have a clue about just how crazy they really are. They are still believing myths about themselves...because they have a big house, a cool car and a great job they overcame their horribly dysfunctional childhoods. Love and marriage is designed to destroy your denial about how crazy you are. If you don't know how crazy you are then you just aren't paying attention. Let me lay out for you some immutable laws of nature. If you think your self to be sane you won't like them at all.
#1 We are all as healthy or unhealthy as our parents were when we were kids.
#2 We are all as healthy or unhealthy as our spouses and our ex-spouses (sucks doesn't it).
#3 We are all as healthy or unhealthy as our siblings.
#4 We are all as healthy or unhealthy as our grandparents were when our parents were kids.
#5 Our kids will be as healthy or unhealthy as we are.
Attending a few Tony Robbins seminars isn't going to make less crazy. Going to church three times a week isn't going to make you less crazy. Being coming a doctor isn't going to make you less crazy. Falling in love with your 'soul mate' isn't going to make you less crazy. Doing B90X won't make you less crazy. Doing 12 Step work actually WILL help make you less crazy. Going to therapy won't automatically make you less crazy. Hopefully your therapist isn't crazier than you are.
Getting into some steep Recovery (knowing how crazy you are and working on it with all you've got) will help to make you less crazy but progress will be slow with that, I assure you. Therapy will not remake you and it certainly won't remake you over night. Knowing the truth about yourself, your childhood and your marriage is a great start but most of us can't handle the truth about ourselves and we really don't want to know. We would rather blame all of our troubles on our ex's, our spouses, our bosses, our kids, the devil or the economy. Many times I barely have the heart to reach down into the sand and pull the heads of some new clients out into the scary, dangerous, real world. It isn't enough to know how crazy you are. In order to make progress with getting healthier you have to be seriously DISTURBED and SADDENED by how crazy, hurtful and out of control you really are. Marriage is meant to humble, break and awaken you. If you don't learn the truth of you as a result of this marriage then the universe will have some additional harsh lessons for you in future relationships.
I had a very disturbing dream last night that might help to illustrate what I am trying to say here. I was in a parking lot waist deep in water with my long deceased mother and my older brother. My brother reached into the water and pulled out a black, slimy alligator looking creature without the jaws and teeth. He suggested that I reach down and capture one too. When I looked into the water there where thousands of them. They were bumping into my legs and freaking me out. I woke up in a panic. According to the website 'Dream Moods' "To see water in your dream, symbolizes your unconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche. Feelings from your unconscious are surfacing and ready to be acknowledged. To dream that you are running away from the alligator, indicates that you are unwilling to confront some painful and disturbing aspect of your unconscious. There is some potentially destructive emotions that you are refusing to acknowledge and owning up to. To dream that you are chased or followed by a monster, represents aspects of yourself that you find repulsive and ugly. You may possess some fears or some repressed emotions. Try to confront the monster in your dream and figure out who or what aspect of yourself the monster represents."
I know, that is some seriously dark s*#t! I know that I am pretty crazy. But the dream captures what I am trying to say about all of us. We all have dark, scary, slimy, shameful, hidden issues lurking around in our psyches that we don't want to deal with. Life is not simple. It is very deep and it is extremely complex. We all have addictions, childhood wounds, secrets, warts, bad habits, fears, sadness, hurts, regrets, dysfunctional family legacies, sins and dark monstrous things swimming around in the waters of our souls. If you do not know this about yourself then, brace yourself, you my friend are a shallow, uninformed, oblivious, dangerous, crazy person who spends more time inflicting wounds on others then on examining and healing your own wounds. I really don't mean to be harsh. It is human nature to avoid pain and to avoid the truth about ourselves. It is OK to be crazy. It is nothing to be ashamed of. Marriage basically traps people in a system that is too painful and too expensive on so many levels to get out of. It is natures opportunity to finally face off with the unresolved issues from our childhoods.
Author and artist Fritz Scholder said "I give thanks everyday that I've been able to take my craziness and make it work for me." I love that! How is your craziness working for you so far? If it doesn't feel broken I am sure that you won't be spending a lot of time and energy on fixing it. It will blow up in your face some day, mark my words. If your craziness is not working for you any more then take some time away from it to figure it out and heal. Confront the monsters in your life whether they be your marriage, an addiction, depression, anxiety, loneliness or a need for direction for the next big thing. Do this with the coaching and support of a therapist/healer who is waist deep in their own scary kettle of fish. If a therapist doesn't know how crazy they are then they are really dangerous. It takes one to know and help one. Growth, effective therapy, maturity and emotional health are all about truth. What is the truth about you?
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