Marriage Is A Dangerous Place
Written By: Mark Smith
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It seems like love and marriage should be easier, doesn't it? Why can't we fall head over heels in love and just stay that way forever without too much pain or effort? For most of us marriage is at times extremely hurtful. I loved playing Rock Em Sock Em Robots as a kid. I don't so much enjoy watching couples pound on each other in similar slugfests every week in my office. I try to teach these embattled couples to have empathy for each other, to see the sad, wounded little kid in their hurting 'opponent'. I teach them that there are no victims in marriage. I teach them that we marry exactly the right person who force us to work on our unresolved issues with our parents. The pain is good! It is to be embraced. It is our teacher. You created your marriage. It is a gift to bring painful but ultimately good things to your life. Quit complaining about your spouse! Evidently they are what you need for you to heal and grow. Be disturbed about yourself and your issues. Your plate full. You have plenty of work with your own issues and dysfunctions. Learn what you can learn about you. Heal what you can heal within you.
Marriage is a Dangerous Place
Marriage is a dangerous place for arrogance. It offers many opportunities for humility.
Marriage is a dangerous place for denial. It will ultimately tell the full truth about you.
Marriage is a dangerous place for finger pointing. Nine digits face back to the real problem.
Marriage is a dangerous place for defensiveness. It will make your grow a set of ears to really hear.
Marriage is a dangerous place for a victim mentality. You will learn that you are responsible for your choices.
Marriage is a dangerous place for unaccountability. Love will cause you to limit your freedom out of respect and kindness.
Marriage is a dangerous place for shallowness and boredom. It will dig deep, intriguing holes in your soul.
Marriage is a dangerous place for naivety. It will crush innocent, immature notions with hard, cold truths.
Marriage is a dangerous place for judgments. It will introduce you to absurdity of casting stones from your glass house.
Marriage is a dangerous place for addictions. Your accountability partner will learn to put the brakes on any out of control compulsions.
Marriage is a dangerous place for secrets. It will all come out in the wash eventually and you will have to expose the truth.
Marriage is a dangerous place for rigid, black and white thinking. It will bend you and break you into a more human and better you.
A committed, insightful marriage is a wonderful thing. It will force you to grow as a person like nothing else in your life. The key is understanding who you married, why you married them and what purpose the pain they bring you serves in your life. Before good and healthy things can be built many times old ugly things must first be torn down. To make why for the new goodies the old junk needs to go.
Many couples don't understand why their marriages get worse after six months of therapy. That is designed. It is because arrogance, denial, finger pointing, defensiveness, a victim mentality, unaccountability, shallowness and boredom, naivety, judgments, addictions, secrets and rigid, black and white thinking must be torn down with assertiveness, truth, pain, healthy boundaries and gut wrenching power struggles. When they are replaced with humility, truth, insight into your self, empathy, accountability, maturity, recovery and flexibility then progress will be swift, deep and lasting. If you walk into a kick ass therapist's office with your spouse and their knowledge of you, expect to be firmly but kindly found out, to be skillfully psychologically dissected and empathetically but cuttingly understood from your first day in your mother's arms to your present, flawed, lovable, unlovable, complex self. Your spouse isn't your enemy. They are your very best friend. Don't let your opportunity for growth, healing, Recovery and life long partnership turn into a nasty, bitter divorce that only benefits the attorneys involved. Your pain is trying to tell you something about you. Listen! The fruit of doing the work now will enrich and bless you the rest of your life. If you miss the point of the pain you will have severe regrets down the road. Marriage is a dangerous place but it is potentially the safest and the most enviable place for you to be.
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