Marital, Family or Individual Therapist serving the Indianapolis, Carmel, Fishers, Westfield and Noblesville communities in Indiana



Mark Smith's New E-Book For Men (& Their Wives) 'A Punch in the Mouth from a Friend' Released December 3, 2010!
Written By: Mark Smith


Healing Toxic Shame Through Recovery
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Managing Abandonment  Issues Through Recovery
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Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy. Proverbs 27:6

Indianapolis Marriage Counseling Information

I hope that the title of this book is not misunderstood or seen as offensive. I don't mean to encourage an actual physical punch in the mouth. What I mean is a firm, caring verbal punch of hard to swallow truth shared out of love and concern. I'm talking about an intervention launched upon destructive, stubbornly defended blind spots. Most men respond quite well to a cutting, abrasive, firm, non-reactive punch in the mouth from someone they know has their best interest at heart. I've heard "Thanks, I needed that, when shall we meet next?" a million times as the guy wipes the proverbial blood of his mouth.

Few men hear half-hearted, weak feedback from people they don't respect. As I say if I occasionally get lucky and block a shot – “don’t bring no weak stuff”. Men are generally positive that they are right and they like to feel in control. There is no need to stop and ask for directions. They are convinced that they know exactly where they are going even if they are as lost as a goose flying north for the winter. In working with the wives of such fellows, the first order of business for them is a lengthy training camp with the goal of building assertive muscle and getting tougher in preparation for intense battle. Do you hear the 'Eye of the Tiger' Rocky theme playing in the background?

It isn't that their husband can't hear criticism. It is that they can't hear it from their powerless, tentative, confused and beaten down wives. Respect doesn’t necessarily come with the package of every marriage. It is commanded and if need be demanded. Effective marriage counseling does not make things more peaceful at home initially. In most cases it greatly intensifies the civil war that had just broken out. Effective counseling is about truth and the truth about a man can be downright brutal and hard to swallow at times. If therapy is going full steam, at the six month mark, the big fella is softening, feeling his feelings, listening for a change and becoming a deeper human being while girlfriend has 'Brave Heart' war paint on her face as she gains momentum in the process of prying power from his cold dead fingers. In football when an offensive lineman says "we've got to come out and punch ‘em in the mouth" he means his team aspires to aggressively control the line of scrimmage. I will be coaching women who read this book on how to become powerful enough to 'move the line of scrimmage' with their particular powerful and resistant 'opponent'. You have got to get a lot stronger if you are going to budge that guy.

I was that guy at one time. I dressed each day in an all knowing exhuberant arrogance. I had a swagger. I felt bullet proof. I was utterly without fear. I was always right in my little world and that felt quite assuring. Things were black or they were white. You were wasting your breath if you tried to change the course that I wanted to take. I was going to do whatever I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. I was a blind, angry bull in a very fragile china shop. I was strong, cocky, resourceful and I thought, bigger than life. I loved thinking I was mentally stronger than others. I was not unlike a lot of men.

I wish that I could go back in time so that I could punch that guy right in the mouth. He needed to be warned. He needed to be protected (from himself). He was so full of himself that wasn't capable of hearing words of warning from anyone. He was drunk on arrogance and addiction while playing in some very dangerous traffic. And he got himself run over. I have seen so many men fall so very hard. They have fallen from once cherished marriages, from lofty professional perches, from respected positions in the community, from the arms of their own children and finally from the once firm grip of their own integrity. At times it has been worse than watching a train wreck.

The purpose of this book is for you to get an awakening, redemptive punch in your mouth before you cause irreparable damage to yourself and those around you.

Indianapolis Marriage Counseling Information

The more you can open your ears and your heart, the more corrective, healing wounding you can take in. You can learn the hard way or the harder way. The hard way would be to learn from the hard words of this book. Swallow what is true about you like a man. If the shoe fits wear it. The harder way is to have huge chunks of your life, family and potential broken off in a way that you can never get back. The harder way potentially means humiliation and disgrace. It is better to take a corrective punch in the mouth than to ultimately lose a marriage or worse.






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This article was authored by Family Tree Counseling Associates, a marriage, individual and family counseling center serving the Indianapolis, Carmel, Fishers, Westfield and Noblesville communities in Indiana. If you would like to contact us, please fill out a contact us form or call us at 317-844-2442.
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