Skull Crushing, Ego Destroying Brokenness Is All Good
Written By: Mark Smith
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Men are trained from birth to be strong, know it all and proud. The measure of a man in our culture seems to include the impressiveness of his job, his bank account, his house, his car, the beauty of his wife, the accomplishments of his children and the swagger in his step. Pretty frequently fellows like this engage my services with the goal of improving their marriages by fixing the lovely but flawed little wifey. They come seeking tools they can employ to fix the problem in six short sessions. They are always shocked to hear my assessment of their situation. Therapy is about truth. My message to my dear brothers goes like this..."The problem is your arrogance. You are unaccountable, oblivious, self-absorbed, addictive and controlling. You are most certainly not who you think you are. You had a normal, red blooded American dysfunctional childhood. You are broken. Your wife is critical and uninterested in sex because you do not treat her well. The marriage is not the problem. Your wife is not your problem. They are actually a huge part of the cure. And the cure is going to feel to you to be worse than the disease of marital distance. The cure is a wrecking ball applied to your puffed up lunk head. It is your wife prying power from your cold dead fingers. There is a sad, lonely, needy little boy at your core and we need to introduce him to you on a very deep and personal level. You are filled with tears that need to be cried. Your empire is coming down my brother but in the end you will be happier and more blessed.". Pardon my language, but this message scares the shit out of these men! In there heart of hearts they know it is the truth. The wife is usually nodding and offering a few "thank you Jesus's" though out the feedback session, which usually isn't very helpful.
A humble man is a lovable man. A humble man is a joy to be married to. A humble man is a rarity. A humble man is a blessing to everyone around him. Unhappily, achieving humility is very much like having your skin cut off one small strip at a time though. You will need to pay attorneys or therapists my friend. Therapists are cheaper by far. I've got to run. I will leave you with this link if you would like to read more about therapy and recovery from dysfunctional manliness. Counterdependency: A Manly Dysfunction
In the mean time I'll offer all you fellas a man hug and the encouragement that your pain is actually a wonderful blessing.
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