One Good Word Is Bread For A Thousand
Written By: Mark Smith
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One good word…
This is not
the age of information.
This is not
the age of information.
Forget the news,
and the radio,
and the blurred screen.
This is the time
People are hungry,
and one good word is bread
for a thousand.
“Loaves and Fishes” by David Whyte
from River Flow (Langley, WA: Many Rivers Press, 2007) 358
Healthy relationships start with the truth...either party hiding, minimizing, denying, manipulating, lying, cheating, rescuing, care taking, controlling, shading, or misrepresenting. But one can't be fully truthful with another without being fully truthful with your self first. Effective therapy is laying to the bare bones the truth about two people as well their tribe. One good word, one stone cold cutting nugget of truth can be the bread that salvages a starving marriage. What is the truth of your marriage? I can tell you what the truth absolutely is not - either of you have ever, ever, ever been victimized by the other. It has all been fair and if you are wise enough to put all the pieces to the puzzle together and do your own work, it has also all been good. The truth is that you married the absolute right and perfect person for you. You did that to re-enact ans work on the unresolved wounds of your childhood. That was not psychobabble. That was one amazing 'word' and it has been the bread that has fed thousands through the almost 24 years of Family Tree Counseling Associates' years of service. That one concept, that you are 100% responsible for your life and your marriage and that your spouses' hurtful issues are a gift that you sought to help work on and heal yourself has quite literally saved hundreds and hundreds of marriages.
What is the one good word about you? Are you controlling? If it is true and it helps you to wake up and change before you chase your spouse away then it is bread that will feed your family, your extended family, your friends, your community and generations to come. Are you a sexual addict? If the shoe fits. Pain and very negative consequences are coming your way if you are out of control sexually. Are you a codependent? Are you too nice, too passive, too other centered, and too powerless? Are you tired of it? Then get a copy of Melody Beattie's classic book on codependency and start devouring it.
Are you defensive? Are you difficult to live with? Are you depressed? Are you an alcoholic? What is the true word, the liberating word about you that can begin you on a path of healing and Recovery with a relationship and a family centered on emotional health and truth?
Facing one's truth is very difficult. We spend decades of our lives fighting the truths about ourselves. We battle with bosses, with spouses, with ex-spouses, with court systems, with our children, with our friends, with our doctors, with our therapists, with our bodies and mostly with ourselves. It is okay to be flawed. It is okay to be dysfunctional. It is okay to admit to having an addiction. It is a relief to take off the mask of image and perfection and just reveal the truth about who you are and and the wounded roots of your stuff. It all goes back to your childhood. You will never marry anyone healthier than the folks who raised you. You will never marry anyone less healthy than the ones who raised you. That is an immutable law of nature. Embrace your good word. Let it feed you. Let it instruct you. Listen! Listen to the people around you. Ask them for open and direct feedback about you. The world isn't out to shame or blame you. It is just trying to get you to hear what it has to say to you. You can learn from a tap on the shoulder or a 2" by 4" to the skull. That is your choice. What is the truth about you? It is all good. It is flipping on a light switch rather than bloodying your shins and cursing in the darkness. You don't have any many answers as you might think that you do. Listen. Listen to that one, good, powerful, electrifying, word of truth that will be the beginning of setting you free to be a healthier, happier and much more pleasant to be around you.