Marital, Family or Individual Therapist serving the Indianapolis, Carmel, Fishers, Westfield and Noblesville communities in Indiana



Men Under Construction
Written By: Mark Smith



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Managing Abandonment  Issues Through Recovery
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Indianapolis Marriage Counseling Information

As his wife was confronting him about a deficiency in his contribution to their marital bliss, an interesting young man that I work with said "You need to understand that I'm going through a difficult process here. I'm working so hard at re-invention myself. I'm under construction. I've got orange cones in my head." I immediately got his permission to Blog about the orange cones because I thought it was brilliant.

Every man I know could use some reconstruction. Few of us were fathered well. The key to a man's reconstruction is a broken, humble and teachable heart. Let me tell you some stories of men I have worked with who have achieved varying degrees of positive reconstruction. In keeping with my manly theme I'm going to go Clint Eastwood on you and call them The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

The Good - Tony is about the farthest likely candidate for therapy that you can image. He sort of reminds me of Tony Soprano without the sociopathic tendencies. He is an old school tough guy who is mortified to hang out in our waiting room. Yeah, he is the good one. It isn't how unhealthy or obnoxious a man is before the reconstruction begins that tell his marital future, it is the humility of his heart once he is put on notice that counts.

When his wife of 25 years informed him that is was not feeling it any more and that if he didn't wake up emotionally and fix some things his role as her husband was in serious danger he broke into a whole different guy. He over night became humble, motivated, teachable, open minded, tender hearted and willing to do anything that she asked of him. The prospect of divorce terrified him. He has been fun to work with. He even cries during the sessions as we work on his wounded childhood. His marriage is going to be fine. He has orange cones in his head. We won't remake him but he will grow enough to build a reasonably satisfying marriage because she is doing good work as well.

He is a nice man, but it is as if a wrecking ball has come crashing through his living room. He is shattered. And it is probably too late for his marriage. And that is too bad because he is going to heal and change and get healthier. He has orange cones in his head. He will make his 2nd wife a much improved husband that wife #1 ever had. He is not a victim though. He was too oblivious for way too long. There were warning signs about his marriage that he chose to ignore. All is fair in love and marriage. In the history of marriage there have never been any victims.

He is defensive, arrogant, unteachable, know it all and as far from broken as he can get. He says a lot of really insensitive things. He doesn't listen. He has no intention of changing. He likes himself the way that he is. He does not have a single orange cone in his head. He is going to get divorced. He will be just as obnoxious with wife #3 as he was with wife #1.

Men are people too. They have their fair share of emotional wounds. They can be trained. They can be reconstructed into a new and improved version of themselves. The key is getting orange cones into their heads.

Indianapolis Marriage Counseling Information






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This article was authored by Family Tree Counseling Associates, a marriage, individual and family counseling center serving the Indianapolis, Carmel, Fishers, Westfield and Noblesville communities in Indiana. If you would like to contact us, please fill out a contact us form or call us at 317-844-2442.
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