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There are NO Victims - Even with Infidelity
Written By: Mark Smith


Healing Toxic Shame Through Recovery
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Managing Abandonment  Issues Through Recovery
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Indianapolis Marriage Counseling Information

The following story is from Dr. Phil's website. To me it is hard to believe, but it happened...

'Do you remember something called “alienation of affection?” It was an old law that allowed a spouse to sue someone for interference with his or her marriage. It was once on the books in every state in the country. But in the 1930’s, most states got rid of the law, thinking that standard divorce laws were good enough. Today, you can only find the alienation of affection law in seven states — one of which is North Carolina. And, are you ready for this? A North Carolina woman named Cynthia Shackelford decided to use the almost forgotten law to sue a younger woman named Anne Lundquist, alleging that Lundquist had an affair with her husband and ruined their marriage. In March of this year, after a two-day trial where Lundquist was noticeably absent, a jury ordered Lundquist to pay the jilted wife $9 million in damages.

A victorious Mrs. Shackelford declared that the entire reason for her lawsuit was to deter so-called home wreckers. “I’m just trying to send a message to other people that are like Anne (Lundquist), that if they’re looking at somebody else’s husband — that’s still living at home, that’s still sleeping in the marital bed and comes to parties and introduces his wife as his better half — to leave him alone and not go after him,” she said in one interview. Ms. Lundquist, who now lives in New York, is appealing the verdict, saying the court system did not give her enough warning about when the case was going to trial and did not grant her a continuance to prepare. She also claims the Shackelfords’ marriage was irreparable before her own relationship began with Mr. Shackelford, which means that she could not have caused any alienation of affection in the first place. What do you think? Do you believe a re-enactment of an alienation of affection law could put a stop to a lot of affairs? Would a man who wants to cheat with a married woman — or a woman who wants to cheat with a married man — think twice about getting involved if they know they could get sued and end up having to pay 9 million smackeroos?'

In my opinion this is a ridiculous verdict. It is beyond ridiculous! As adults we are all responsible for our own lives. Not only did Ms. Lundquist not victimized Mrs. Shackleford, but Mr. Shackleford didn't victimize her either. We all pick exactly the right person to marry. They are a cleverly hidden version of our parents' worst qualities. They are our opportunity to heal and work on resolving the wounds from our childhood. Mrs. Shackleford chose Mr. Shackleford She trusted him. She allowed the marriage to grow distant without getting it fixed and made safe and solid. It is Mrs. Shackleford who should be paying Ms. Lundquist, but 9 million sounds a bit steep. Embrace your marital pain no matter what package it comes in. It is not about your spouse - it is all about YOU. It is a gift. I'm serious. It is the universe giving you feedback about the particular way that you are dysfunctional. You handed your ex a script and asked them to play a part in your play. Since you picked the right person they didn't even need to act. Use your pain as a catalyst for growth, healing and intensive therapy. Get healthier so that your next relationship will be healthier. Do not hold any bitternesses towards anybody. It is all good. The problem is your childhood dysfunction that taught you to love in really unhealthy ways. Heal that. The people who hurt us the most are our best teachers. No one has the power to hurt you without your full cooperation and collusion. If you want to learn more about this please visit our website . Every one of our over 150 articles emphasizes this amazing truth and the truth will absolutely set you free from victimy depression and bitterness. Your future is bright and you are blessed if you learn from life's bumps and bruises. Indianapolis Marriage Counseling Information






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This article was authored by Family Tree Counseling Associates, a marriage, individual and family counseling center serving the Indianapolis, Carmel, Fishers, Westfield and Noblesville communities in Indiana. If you would like to contact us, please fill out a contact us form or call us at 317-844-2442.
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