Managing Abandonment Issues – The First 2 Effective Steps in Taming the Fire Breathing Dragon
Written By: Mark Smith
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This is going to be a very busy week for the Blog. I'm at the beach and I'm here not only to relax and eat a lot of seafood - I'm here to write. I've started a publication called 'Managing Abandonment' but I've only written about 2 of the 7 steps thus far that I will cover in helping significant others attempt to tame the fire breathing dragon of their loved one's abandonment issues. This is what I've got so far...
If you have done a Google search about Abandonment Issues you already know full well what they are and you are doing some research to get some much needed help. They are brutal, explosive, damaging and standing ready to ruin otherwise happy and peaceful events. They are an angry bull in an emotional china shop. They are an irritating bee buzzing around your head just waiting to sting. They are a scary fire breathing dragon who is committed to causing you some serious pain. Simply put Abandonment Issues are a consistent hypersensitivity to any and all perceived or actual distancing in a relationship. You can’t fix it. It is way too deeply embedded in the personalities of those who suffer from it. You can’t even manage it…unless you first see it, understand it, name it and handle it in your role as the significant other in a non-reactive, wise and healthy manner. Abandonment issues are tricky. They can be subtle at time. You have to know what is really afoot to not ‘step in it’ royally. The person suffering from abandonment issues becomes instantaneously drunk without taking in a drop of alcohol. Once the abandonment issue is triggered the sufferer then makes all around them suffer too. They get really goofy and irrational. They do not see reality. They are driven by a very young and very sad and a very needy abandoned little child at the core of their being. Trying to argue with a person under the influence of abandonment is very much like trying to argue with a person under the influence of a great deal of alcohol. It is not advised and it is certainly not productive.
So here you go…7 very effective and practical steps to aid you to battling the fire breathing dragon of abandonment issues…
1. Name It – Understanding the truth about your loved one’s condition is an absolute Godsend. If you don’t know what is going on and they don’t know what is going on then you get sucked into their crazy dance. The reason that happens (sorry) is that you are actually as crazy as they are. That isn’t good news is it? It is the truth. This is not a situation with one sick person and one together one who has to suffer and help the sick one. There are two unhealthy people here. If your sweetie doesn’t own their abandonment issues then you need to walk. They can’t and won’t get better until they first own their stuff. That means understanding that abandonment is rooted in their childhood and specifically how it gets expressed in the relationship. If you stay in a relationship with someone who denies the call about their abandonment issues you evidently still have the psychological need to dance with a very mean and dangerous fire breathing dragon. I am not judging that. You will be done when you are done and not a minute before. Your dragon is a gift and they are your therapy. They probably won’t get better until and unless you do.
2. You Both Have to Go to Therapy – Sorry, this is nonnegotiable. If your loved one had diabetes, if they refused to go to the doctor and do exactly what the doctor says they being extremely self-destructive and unwise. As I said in another one of my articles, abandonment issues are the King Kong of all issues. They are HUGE! They must be addressed. A relationship can barely survive at times even with both partners actively involved in therapy and recovery. It certainly won’t survive for long without some very insightful, aggressive and effective therapy. You are fooling yourself if you think that the two of you can untangle your crazy dance without the very active and spirited instruction of a very talented therapist. A great therapist can break down your abandonment dance like a football play. They are objective and hopefully quite insightful and powerful. They can drop a flag like a referee does when they see an infraction of the rules in a football game.
You know the credit card commercial that says such and such costs $50.00, such and such costs $100.00 but such and such is priceless? A sharp therapist who cuts like a surgical laser through the BS of your abandonment denial, reactivity and insanity is absolutely priceless. You both need a great deal of help and support. Find an excellent therapist right away!
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