Dysfunction is Normal
Written By: Mark Smith
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Life is complicated and it is difficult. Everybody you know has their fair share of issues. That doesn’t mean that you are crazy or a bad person or to be looked down on or judged. It means that you are completely normal.
If I were to complete a ‘Genogram’ or family tree on everybody you know it would reveal generational patterns of divorce, sexual addiction, alcoholism, abandonment, secrets, favorites, lies, control, criticism, depression, abuse, neglect, mental health issues, enmeshment, tragic stories and other miscellaneous problems. It is the human condition. What is your family’s stuff? Any wicked witches in the family?
What is the truth about your family? The bad news is that your adult love life has everything to do with your family’s dysfunction growing up. You marry your issues. I can prove that to any truly open minded person.
With most couples that I work with one side is obviously quite colorful and damaged while the other side of the family appears to be much healthier. That is an illusion. If you marry someone know this…they are equally as unhealthy as you are and you are equally as dysfunctional as their family. That is an immutable law of nature. I wish it weren’t so but it is the God’s honest truth about love and relationships. If you are having a lot of pain that is originating from your relationship the good news is that you can get to work on yourself even if your partner isn’t quite ready to do the work. If one of you gets healthy it will positively impact the other person. That may or may not insure a long and happy marriage. It takes two people to ultimately get to work and build and healthy marriage. It is much easier to to pretend, to deny and to keep secrets. It is easier to point fingers at others rather than humbly own your own issues.
How many truly great marriages are you guys aware of?
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