What You Need To Know BEFORE You Give Up On Your Relationship
Written By: Mark Smith
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The following is the beginning of an article by one of Family Tree Counseling Associates' most talented and insightful therapists - Jerry Wise, MA, MS. It is really excellent. It gets to the heart of what we try to teach people - learn from your pain, there are NO victims and embrace the relationship you are in. Once you start reading Jerry you won't go back to Mark!!!
What you need to know BEFORE you give up on your relationship by Jerry Wise, MA, MS
I am sitting in my office thinking about a couple I have been seeing for several years. In the beginning they came to me feeling totally dejected and racked by marital conflict. The marriage was filled with mistrust, emotional distance, anger, hurt, confusion, and fear. To be honest, I believe they actually came to see me to make the transition to divorce.
The wife had had a three month affair with a co-worker. She and her co-worker started out as ‘friends’ it escalated to more intimate discussions and then to physical intimacy. This was the second marriage for each of them. They were clear in stating they would never trust another relationship again. She said she would never trust herself and was beyond fixing. Painfully, they each agreed to seek help after a friend told them I had helped him with his troubled marriage. The friend expressed they should try counseling before they give up.
It is now three years later. The couple is getting along very well, are happy, more mature, intimate and show love for each other. They are able to trust in ways they never believed could happen. They experience normal ups and downs and will even argue occasionally, but they feel satisfied in their marriage. Both of them feel very happy they did not divorce. They made the decision to look further into their relationship as well as their individual brokenness. I hate to think what might have happened had they not sought marriage counseling. There are so many couples who do not choose to seek help for their broken marriage. I can’t help but wonder what would I want couples to know, when their relationship is broken, BEFORE they give up?”
If you take away nothing else from this article take this: broken marriage is a vast gold mine and a wealth of information about you. This information can make or break your future. You might never have the same opportunity again to grow, learn to live happily, get to know yourself, and to be with someone you love who also loves you. No, I am not kidding, I stake twenty-five years of experience on this belief.
Before you consider ending your relationship…
Step up and take responsibility for yourself and your part in your broken relationship
Stop blaming your spouse for your dissatisfaction in the relationship
Blaming is one of the most blinding mental states. Blaming never clears the air, it only brings about distance and rejection in a relationship. Blame never explains the real reasons why couples are hurting. Blame always equals enmeshment and reveals too much unhealthy closeness going on between a couple. It never helps anyone think clearly about the causes and solutions for marital conflict.
Please visit our website at familytreecounseling.com to finish reading Jerry's article and to learn more about his work.
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