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I Am A Little Crazy, And If The Truth Be Known, So Are You!
Written By: Mark Smith


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I've come to the considered opinion that I'm a more than a just little bit crazy. I readily admit it. If you find it somewhat disturbing that one of Indianapolis' leading marriage counselors is a little bit crazy, would it comfort you at all to know that ALL of Indianapolis' marriage counselors are also a little crazy? I guess that wouldn't be all that comforting, would it? My particular brand of 'a little bit crazy' looks like this - I'm overly competitive, a total neat freak, a bit too controlling, sort of self-centered, a little edgy, somewhat needy, perhaps too attached to my exceptional Beagle, Mr. Paulie, slightly arrogant at times, too fond of overly ingesting pretty much any and all foods (except beets) and to top it off, I'm pretty exclusively attracted to abandoning, reactive, stubborn, crazy chicks who aren't capable of hearing me when I talk to them about my needs or feelings. An impressive list of dysfunctional attributes to be sure. I've found it to be freeing to just come out and admit that I'm sort of crazy rather than expending a lot of energy pretending that I'm not. You should try it because actually I'm quite sure that you are at least equally as crazy as I am, if not more so. You know you are crazy, right? Everyone has issues! That is why my esteemed profession is virtually recession proof.

Truthfully, what all would go on your crazy list? Are you too nice, too religious, depressed, anxious, jealous, overly funny, sexually addicted, obsessive compulsive, a gossip, distrustful, materialistic, workaholic, critical, bitter, victimy, shame based, defensive, anorexic, lacking in boundaries, insecure, bitter, dishonest, a ball dropper, irresponsible, sleep deprived, sexually deprived, under employed, alcoholic, drug addicted, compulsively busy, mean, delusional, manic, a crazy person magnet or a million other unhealthy things? It's okay. If your list was fairly lengthy, you are completely normal. It's just that normal is pretty over the top dysfunctional. I'm just suggesting that it would be in your best interest if you admitted it, at least to yourself. It would be even better if you admitted it and then got busy in therapy addressing your stuff! Being a bit crazy doesn't make you a bad or a weak person by any stretch. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Life is hard! Relationships are meant to be painful. Embrace the truth about who you are, even if it is painful.

We all come by our craziness quite honestly. We get it from our parents. They got theirs from their parents. You will at least cop to some genuine nuts in your family tree won't you? Here is an immutable law of nature - we are always exactly as crazy as the person (or persons) we marry/date. How bad does that suck? It is the God's honest truth though! Your relationships are your opportunity to take in and deeply feel the painful implications of the discomforting truths about yourself. It is easier to throw rocks of accusation at your sparing partner, is it not? Another inconvenient truth is that we all basically marry hidden versions of the people who hurt us the worst growing up. Think about it. Are there any similarities between your husband and the parent who hurt you the worst growing up?

When I spoke about my Blog topic this week to a colleague, they dismissively said "Well, I certainly don't FEEL crazy." That actually brought up a great insight for me to share with you. When you are crazy, most of the time you won't feel crazy or have much of a clue how crazy you really are. In our culture we have so many ways to numb our pain and protect ourselves from too much raw truth about our multiple dysfunctions. There is a pill to control any pain. If your psychological walls are down and you aren't medicating your pain, you will probably feel crazier than most people do even though you are much healthier than the average bear. Your psychological openness and your ability to feel are what make you healthier. They also make it impossible for you to bullshit yourself into thinking that you are somebody that you are not. I will tell you this, never, ever, ever go to a therapist who doesn't cop to being a bit crazy and or in Recovery for an addiction of some sort. That unaware, walled off therapist be be ineffectual at best and down right dangerous at worst. That therapist will not be able to take you and your marriage where it needs to go without having gone their first themselves! Great therapists are made sitting on the personal business end of a therapy couch. You want a therapist who is aware of having a boatload of issues, but is making genuine progress in addressing those issues.

Now that I've probably offended the majority of my readers I'll go ahead and hush. Keep on believing that you aren't crazy if it makes you feel any better. Life and marriage have a way of ultimately revealing the truth about who we are and where we came from. Ask your spouse what your blind spots are. Better yet, ask your kids. I have to tell you, I like knowing truths about myself, even if they are ugly truths. Keen awareness of your issues is like knowing you have a big piece of spinach between your front teeth or your zipper is down just when you get up in front of a lot of people to give a speech. It is better to know. It's human nature to minimize our own issues and flaws while maximizing the dysfunctional goofiness of others. It is so freeing to openly welcome feedback from any and all directions. Better to face off with a hard truth about ourselves than to continue to hurt a loved one, sacum to an addiction or majorly sabotage your career. I think one's potential for significant personal growth is directly in porportion to the urgency and near disgust felt upon closely examining the warts, failings and assorted ugly stuff staring back at us in the mirror. The people who genuinely change are the ones who desperately want and need to change. We call this process of enlightened self knowledge and sincere change 'Recovery'. Recovery happens when you know and accept stone cold truths about yourself and then get very busy sincerely doing something about it. I wish you the gift of life changing Recovery for each and every one of your crazy broken parts. Recovery does not work over night. In fact, it is a life long process. But knowing the truth about who we are in all of our unevenness and imperfection and the real truth about the family we came from is priceless. If you want your life to be better then the stuck mess that it is at times, you are going to have first open up your mind to what is really going on with yourself. Embrace your craziness. The truth can and will set you free.








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This article was authored by Family Tree Counseling Associates, a marriage, individual and family counseling center serving the Indianapolis, Carmel, Fishers, Westfield and Noblesville communities in Indiana. If you would like to contact us, please fill out a contact us form or call us at 317-844-2442.
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